Take no for an answer

It has been two weeks since I went through a very scary thing in my life. To maintain mystery, I will be blunt. It has proven to startle people and leave them wondering even more. To preface this post, I will do a small back story.

There I was someone I knew many years ago and I considered him a friend. He turned out to be controlling and I burned my bridges. Years later, I figure that he has probably changed and he was a good friend once. Why not give a second chance. It was a bumpy reunion but it smoothed out a little. Then the scary thing happened. I found myself being controlled, harassed, stalked, and attacked. After the fact, I realized I wasn't safe anymore; this boy had taken away all my safe places. 

Meg from Hercules can be found saying, "You know how men are. They think no means yes and get lost means take me, I'm yours." I never thought the Disney character I would relate to most would be her.

While the event of the scary thing is over, there are aftershocks and residue coating my life in a thick film that is paralyzing and blinding. Since I have told my family what happened, it has been very interesting and horrifying to see how they cope with the situation. This is a situation that is alien to them; they have never had to deal with something like this before, so it can be partially forgiven that they would fall into the idea of "rape culture." 

The idea of rape culture is the victim was doing something to "ask for it," whether it be by the clothes one wears, inviting someone inside the house, or saying, "hey, have sex with me." (Remember that if someone says, "hey, have sex with me," it isn't rape because it was consented.) Rape is popularly explained as any unwanted sexual activity, not just sexual intercourse. While I consider myself blessed to not have been forced to have such an event happen to me, what happened was leading up to that.

Believe me; I wasn't asking for it. I wasn't asking for it when I asked him to be my friend and just my friend. I wasn't asking for it when I told him I wouldn't date him. I wasn't asking for it when I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship with anyone. I wasn't asking for it when I told him to stop. I wasn't asking for it when I ran away from him. I wasn't asking for it.

Also, as a disclaimer, this event doesn't just happen to women. Men are victims, silent victims.

Think of it this way:

You're sitting at a dinner table and you have a big bowl of jello in front of you. You love jello. You see someone and think, "Hey, they probably want jello." You ask and they say "no." You could oblige and not hand them the jello because, you know, they didn't want it. But you really want them to have jello so you throw the bowl at them and now there is jello everywhere because you couldn't take no for an answer. Everyone at the table is now saying, "That person had an empty plate. The person needed jello; that person was practically asking for it." or saying "that person has hands. They should have expected that to happen and just caught the jello."

They didn't want the jello. They weren't asking for it. We live in a time where the excuse is the victim and not the one who commits the crime. If we want the world to be a better place, I suggest we start by having everyone own up to their actions. As Wesley from The Princess Bride said, "We are men of action. Lies to not become us."