Sophomore-Ish

I was once a freshman in college, moved out on my own for the first time. I was so used to living with my family, who knew how I lived my life, it was a shock to live with those who didn't understand how or why I did what I did. I made food to make friends (and to seduce boys). I dated boys I shouldn't have and dated boys who deserved so much more. I began to experience such poor health, I spent more time in doctor's offices than my own classes. I had the "best of times, and the worst of times." It felt like freshman year was eternal and fantastic, dreaded and horrid, everything life should be.
And then freshman year ended. I was dirt poor, despite working two jobs during my time at Utah State, with barely enough money to pay bills, let alone cover tuition. To my chagrin, I dropped out of school to take the summer and a semester off to work full-time.
When I started school again the winter of 2016 at Utah Valley University, I felt I had settled in life. I was living at home again, going to what felt like "just a community college," waiting for life to happen. My health issues, still present, but under control, let loose another monster. Cue Anxiety. I learned to get that under control, if anyone ever really could. At the end of winter semester, I vowed never to live at home again.
I submitted my application to live in an apartment in Provo, despite working in American Fork and going to school in Orem. It was cheap housing and I really don't need much. I ended up in the same complex that two of my aunts had previously lived in before and the exact same room my best friend lived in just the year before. I was called to this area by a legacy.
In my application, I begged for older roommates, around my age. I wanted fun girls with no drama to bring to the table. I didn't need the destructive comments and snide remarks that added to my failing health my freshman year. I begged in my prayers to let the girls be chill and wonderful and kind.
Move in day. I was terrified and came to the realization that if we didn't get along, I would be at work and school anyway, since I would be attending both full time. I had nothing to really fear, right? But let's remember the nightmare I had about the tampons and the roommate with crazy eyes, seeking me out so I would put away my still-wet dishes and the nice roommate who wouldn't speak up when I was being torn down. I doused my fears with denial and put my best foot forward.
As I met my roommates throughout the day, they all ended up being out-of-state freshman; they had just graduated in May. I was rooming with apparent children, kids who had never been on their own. I was them, once.
Fast forward a month. We have frequent roommate dinners and laugh about YouTube videos together. These girls are fantastic and wonderful. We cry together and joke together. My pleading in prayer was not ignored. How lucky I am to have these wonderful humans in my life. We have a good life to look forward to.