Never Have I

obviously i study really hard

Finals are over. Never have I seen so many students dedicated to selling their soul for a grade. Never have I realized that I am one of those students. Hours were sacrificed to claim some sort of victory. For me, at least, victory was claimed.
I have moved. I am on a lower floor with different roommates. This is the best change I could have done for myself. For one, with this new apartment, I don't have to walk up half as many stairs. Another, I was in need of change. I thought that a dramatic haircut could be my fix; I was wrong.
Why can't I walk up stairs? My supposed PFPS. It may not be what we think it is. Tom the PA and another doctor thought it was PFPS and physical therapy would fix the problem. The Physical Therapists did all they could and I landed in the ER. The ER thought narcotic painkillers could be the solution to the pain. Blair the Homeopathic doctor thought it was a thyroid issue or a stress problem, but the tests came back negative. The Neurologist checked for cancer and tumors, which thankfully, came back clean.The Rheumatologist just looked at me and sighed. My x-rays and MRI's are clear along with almost every blood test. The painkillers that are supposed to help only mess with my head and don't take away the pain; I become amusement to those around me as I become loopy from the drugs. The pain is still there. So. . . what's wrong with me? It can't be in my head, but there isn't anything structural that is causing my grief.
Along with holding to my faith in the gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I pull parallels from things I know.
Next to Normal.

i thought i was a good cook too

This show is saving my life every day. Never would I have thought I would find myself finding myself in the main characters Dianna and Natalie. I connect with Dianna because she has a problem that appears unprecedented. She is given many medications that have many side effects. With the medication, her condition is nearly smothered, leaving her to appear "appear" normal while feeling nothing. Without the medication, her condition soars but she can feel. I connect with Natalie because she is afraid that she'll end up crazy; who would ever want to love someone crazy? Who would ever want to end up with someone that has unexplained pain in both legs entirely and ends up on painkillers at night, just hoping that this time they'll work.
But then there's the phrase:
Perfect for you. I will be 

perfect for you. So you can go crazy or I can go crazy, it's true. 'Cause crazy is perfect and messed up is perfect so I will be perfect for you.

Maybe we can't be okay, but maybe we're tough and we'll try anyway.
Day after day, give me clouds and rain and grey. Give me pain if that's what's real;
And finally, something by Mr. Rogers,
There is no normal life that is free of pain. It is the very wrestling with our problems that can be the impetus for our growth.