College Year I: On roommates, friends, family, and relationships

The stories mentioned are stories seen from my own, personal perspective. It does not make the story 100 percent true from all eyes, it makes the story 100 percent true from my eyes. If there is anything in these stories that bother you, keep it to yourself. The author doesn't want to hear your thoughts on how you think the story happened. She's too busy. In the meantime, remember that history isn't written by both sides.

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone." -Robin Williams

On roommates:

My school year started off similar to the school year in the hit Broadway musical Wicked. "There's been some confusion over rooming here in Shiz..."

I have a theory that the first set of roommates one has is a hit and miss. The initial roommates are the guinea pigs for the next set of roommates until there are no more roommates to be had. It is those initial roommates that have the hardest time with each other. Like many, many others, this holds true for me.
Growing up, we live with our families so we know how to live with them. We know their quirks and how to have a pleasant day with those we live with. It's habit that often gets us through the day, until one day, we are plopped down into a new family that is foreign, strange, and downright terrifying. 
I was so excited to have roommates. When things didn't turn out the way I had pictured, I felt blood-chilling fear. I no longer felt safe to do homework at my own apartment, so I did it out in the hall or in the balcony. I stayed out of the apartment as much as possible because I did not feel welcome. There is no such thing as the perfect roommate; I definitely wasn't even close. However, there is a difference between not being a good roommate by way of natural happenings and by purposefully surrounding an individual with their alone-ness. Now would be a good time to state that what happened my first semester between the roommates and I came entirely from my perspective. What they saw was their own perspective. Neither are perfect. Anyway, I was surrounded by my alone-ness. Yes, I should have done something about it sooner and I didn't. I didn't give up trying to be a good roommate. When the next semester came along, my health only got worse, so I moved to an apartment on a lower floor with new roommates. I realize now, a major contributing factor to the contention was contrasting personalities.
And wow, what a change. The personalities between me and my roommates did not bump elbows, but compliment each other. I felt safe to do homework at home. I did not have to create new walls everyday to be torn down. My new roommates and I would stay up for hours having discussions about things like politics, religion, music, art, movies, etc, etc, etc. The alone-ness I had, evaporated.

On Friends:

I have never planned school schedules or college ideas around friends. Quite frankly, I don't have a lot of friends. I'm not afraid of going it alone. It has been amazing to see the friends I have developed in this year alone.
I became closer friends to Hannah Waters. We went to PGHS together and were in the same graduating class. She was there for the break ups, birthdays, and misc. celebrations. I also made brand new friends I will not soon forget.
At some points, I feel upset and frustrated that older friends have not reached out to me as I have reached out to them. It's nice to have old friends, but sometimes, new friends are extraordinarily necessary. We need friends that can be physically present through certain life events, college being of those such events.

On Family:

Just because you move out, doesn't mean you stop talking to your family. 'nuff said. Since I have moved out, I talk with my family more-even more than when I was home.

On Relationships

Don't turn a blind eye. Just because you have feelings for someone, that does not mean you disregard that even stronger feeling to walk away and never look back. In fact, if that feeling ever does occur, I would definitely recommend following it: walking away and never looking back. You won't regret it.
Never love someone who limits you. I was hanging out at a beau's apartment and I was goofing around, not trying to sing well because I was being silly. He, then, told me I should stop trying and leave the singing too him. He was entirely serious. I never sang around him again-not even during church. If someone cannot enjoy the laughs and giggles, they do not get the incredible pleasure of knowing who you are when you are your most you and vice versa. When you are serious, focused, dedicated, honest, hard-knuckles-on-cold-ground self. That part is what really matters.
Do not justify. It is your birthday. If they are having an awful day, they need to suck it up until the end of the day because it is your birthday and you don't want to have to cry on your birthday. If they will not take you on a date, do not just think "well, they would if they had the money." Having money isn't a prerequisite for dates. Some of the most fun I've had, involved no money (it helps that this year I was pretty poor).
The moment you start to wonder if you should be with someone, is the moment you know you shouldn't. Olivia Petty once told me that I shouldn't be in a relationship where I have to re-evaluate the relationship every weekend. She was right. No one should be in that position.

The worst thing that can happen to anyone is to not be alone, but being with people that make them feel entirely alone. That goes for roommates, friends, family, and relationships. Not only can the alone-ness happen to us, it happens those we interact with. Don't be someone that makes someone feel entirely, utterly, and seemingly irreversibly alone. Acknowledging that alone-ness is step one. Step two is not to complain about it, but do something about it. Others may make us feel alone, but it is us who choose to stay there.